The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

July 2, 2001
You've just leapt off a building and, noticing a Dumpster below, you thank your stars that you've spent several hours listening to this cassette, and you can now land in said Dumpster without breaking your back. Although it is rather unlikely that you will ever use any of the material presented in the book—how to perform a tracheotomy, or bring a plane in for an emergency landing—these things do happen every once in a while. To someone, somewhere—maybe. So it couldn't hurt to bone up on some skills, right? Though neither written nor read in a humorous manner, the book nevertheless amuses in a strange way; the decision to group numerous bizarre crises into two hours of tape, not to mention some of the particularly far-fetched scenarios ("How to Leap from a Motorcycle to a Car" or "How to Escape from Killer Bees") often exceed our expectations of absurdity. You can imagine needing to know CPR some day, but how many of us will have the opportunity to wrestle free from an alligator? As a man who has seemingly leapt into Dumpsters and jumped into moving vehicles (or had a stunt double perform these things), Reynolds seems a wise choice for a reader. Unfortunately, his presentation is flat and unenthusiastic, and it sounds like he's reading the material for the first time. Misplaced emphases render several passages difficult to understand. However, Reynolds's familiar voice, combined with the offbeat material, affords some camp appeal in the tradition of outdated high school safety films. Based on the Chronicle paperback.

September 1, 2002
The unstoppable Piven and Borgenicht are at it again, producing another in the seemingly endless series of "Worst-Case Scenario" books. This time, the authors turn their attention to the potentially disastrous holiday season, and the result is more or less the same-an entertaining quick read in the bookstore aisle. To be fair, though, this volume does contain some interesting information: for instance, it's good to know how to extinguish a burning turkey, put out a grease fire, drive in a blizzard, handle a canceled flight, "repurpose" a fruitcake, and resize a Christmas tree. Some readers will welcome this addition to the Worst-Case family, as the books make reliable all-purpose gifts and their oddball advice (how to dodge an angry reindeer, how to "thwart gift snoopers") is always good for a few chuckles. Those who've reached their saturation point with the genre, though, may very well wonder when someone will release a book explaining how to repurpose one of Piven and Borgenicht's ubiquitous guides.

April 1, 2002
In The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
(1999), Piven, Borgenicht and Worick taught readers how to escape from quicksand and jump from bridges. It's relatively simple to calculate a shark's actions, they say, but human nature is much less predictable. Here, they tell single listeners how to get away from "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." Punctuated with cheesy synthesizer music akin to a demo on a Casio keyboard, Hamilton first gives a disclaimer—"breaking a heart is one thing; breaking the law is another"—then, in a matter-of-fact style, she tells how to deal with the hazards of romance from bars and bedrooms to airplane lavatories. As if reading from a driving manual, she tells listeners how to remove difficult articles of clothing, fake an orgasm, deal with a drunken date, handle a bad kisser and deliver a pick-up line. Wondering if your date is an axe murderer? Find out if he was sexually abused as a child and has an obsession with matches. Not sure of the gender of your date? Look at his or her hand and be suspicious of baggy clothing. Need to sober up fast? Avoid aspirin and drink lots of water. Although much of this advice sounds silly, the authors' suggestions are completely serious, and Hamilton delivers them that way, e.g., straightforwardly explaining how to spot breast implants by checking out www.implantinfo.com. Based on the Chronicle paperback.

March 1, 2003
The latest addition to this wildly popular series continues--surprisingly--to display the wit, style and plain-old smart-ass insight of its multiple predecessors. The secret to Piven's and Borgenicht's success seems to be in maintaining, at all costs, a dead-pan and practical approach to survival techniques in ever-wilder scenarios (though, considering that these are"survival" guides, wilder in this case actually means increasingly mundane). Thus, in this volume--based on the assumption that we spend"so much time in the work environment that the odds are staggering that something is going to go wrong while you are there"--the authors provide precise instructions on how to survive working in a cubicle, being trapped in a bathroom or walk-in freezer, and getting caught"slacking" ("Blame your browser" is one suggestion for habitual Web-surfers). Helpful hints on how to survive an interview are balanced with equally helpful, but funnier, tips on how to ditch a meeting ("If you are planning to crawl under the table, wear loose-fitting clothes"). From dealing with a"nightmare" boss or co-worker to escaping from a lion cage, and from removing a tie caught in a document feeder to treating a finger cut on a deli slicer (step one:"Turn off the slicer"), the authors know the secrets.

June 1, 2003
Filled with cheeky but practical solutions to just about any problem a college student could face, this slender volume opens with an ominous warning:"when a life is imperiled or a dire situation is at hand, safe alternatives may not exist." Nonetheless, many of the situations it tackles are far from life threatening; how to avoid doing laundry, how to pull an all-nighter and how to identify bad cafeteria food are among them. Its advice on choosing a school and surviving dorm bathrooms ("never touch the floor with your bare feet") clearly suggests that it was produced by a team who knows that of which they write. And the detailed primer on making it through the travails of college partying--with tips on how to avoid a nightmare hookup--isn't there just for effect: it includes serious counsel like"Do not let a stranger get a drink for you" and"Clear the potential hook-up with a trusted friend." All in all, this is a handy reference to have while at college, and would make useful required reading for first-year students.